Friday, October 16, 2009

Here's what I find about compromise...

"Here's what I find about compromise - Don't do it if it hurts inside, cause either way you're screwed, eventually you'll find that you may as well feel good. You may as well have some pride." - Second Time Around, Indigo Girls

It appears that I haven't touched my blog since May 2008. I'm not really surprised, because I was mostly married to the idea of managing my blog on myspace. However, I've developed a mild disgust for myspace and the nonsense that goes with it.

Last night I was supposed to learn an important lesson about compromise, but I don't think it got through. Sometimes the messages are lost on me, as if someone is intentionally screwing up the translation as part of a human nature experiment. The lesson is one of two things: Compromise, or, Don't Compromise. I haven't figured out which yet.

I've been writing letters that I never mean to send, but not for the theraputic effect that you might think. It's simply that seeing my writing develop on paper and watching smooth ink slide across fragile paper calms me down, it brings me back to a more centered place. Maybe it's the regulated breathing, maybe it's the focus... who knows. So, I've been writing these letters and the method as been working so far. I calm down, but I don't really reach a resolution.

Today I feel like I'm the bad guy with my principles intact. It's a feeling I'm getting used to.

Today's conundrum: Where do you draw the line on compromise?

This will be a test of my patience and self control, I'm sure. I wish I had something to be more confident about.

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